June 11, 2008

My side of story

I am a good person and I deserve to be happy but this is not the case. Over the years, when I have had my own relationship, I would always give my best coz I always believe that this is the person that im going to spend the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, all turned out not the way that im expecting it to be. So after all those despondency, I vowed to myself that I will not have a connection with Filipino guy and so my journey to find a foreigner guys begins…

By January 2007, I signed up to all dating websites that I can think of. At that time, i was thinking that the more websites the more chances of finding a potential good guy so I sent interest to men who intrigued me most because of their “excellent” profile and luckily, I met someone thru myforeignbride.com, his name is Rich and I thought we have a connection, we would always chat and talk thru yahoo messenger but our relationship didn’t last long. Then one day, I never heard from him with no apparent reason. He didn’t leave a message nor called, which led me to think that I am a bad person. It was painful since I invested emotions for him.

During our getting to know each other with rich, I sent an interest to someone, his name is Dan. At first, I don’t find him attractive or perhaps I wasn’t concentrating on him since I am more directed with Rich but Dan and I established a good friendship. We would talk about anything and everything under the sun. Moreover, I also learned that he was talking to some other girls which were fine since I too, am with Rich.

Dan and I hardly ever chat online after what transpired with rich, I went on with my life. Just like with Miriam Quimbao, she stumbled once but gracefully stood up and eventually won the 1st runner up of Miss Universe. Soon, I met another guy, his name is Tim, and he is divorced and has 2 kids. While we were constantly chatting, I soon admired his valor for exceeding all the trials in life and raising his children, together with his mother, of course.

Like with rich, it didn’t blossom into a wonderful companionship. For the second time, I am left again heartbroken.

Was I harsh with my life? Nope, coz I know deep inside that God prepared something for me far greater than what I had before. I continued with my life, I found a better job and had been transferred to another city which was good, to meet friends and enjoy life.

When I was in Clark, I focused more on my job. I was busy and still adjusting to my new work. I talked to my friends over the phone, thank God Suncellular was there, and it’s cheaper to call. I met new friends and had really fun there. After 2 months without checking emails, I finally thought of checking it and my yahoo messenger. And I saw Dan was online. We chatted for about 30 minutes and I found out he went to Japan for vacation. It was a good conversation, relaxed, calm. There were no emotions involved just 2 people exchanging thoughts and ideas over some serious and hilarious theme.

Months passed, and I haven’t heard from Dan since the last time we talked. I went on with my life, yet again. Eventually, I got back to Davao to work. I kept myself busy, which wasn’t a problem to me. My work schedule permits me to be hectic all the time and by the time I got home, I’d go straight to bed.

The latter part of the year, which was December 2007, I’ve come to be active again in dating surroundings. I expanded my horizon and searched for more for a fine partner. I learned my lapse and that is; don’t give your emotions instantaneously. I shielded my self from getting hurt, thus, I was carefully scrutinizing every man I talked with by asking numerous questions, may it be sense or senseless so long all my doubts will be answered.

I had the chance to chat once more with Dan. We were able to share friendly conversation without any trace of pretentions or something. The two of us seated there for hours. We were unmindful of the time that was passing. Regrets? I have none. It was indeed a wonderful talk.

I didn’t realize that we have been relentlessly talking with each other. I learned to trust him and share my surreptitious that none people know of. I opened myself and he was too. He shared something that I know took a lot courage to communicate, divorce. After hearing those words, I felt sorry for him. I also felt used. It was like I felt the same feeling he had after realizing that he was fooled by some unworthy individuals. I felt angry at the person. But I have no right to feel that way on the culprit because it was already done and the damage, too, has been done. I was with him that day, in thoughts, feelings and emotions.

It was a nice start of the year, 2008. He made known his feelings to me in our native dialect. I was shocked and delighted all at the same time. Shocked, coz I didn’t know that he was feeling that way already and delighted because the feeling is already reciprocated. None of us was looking for a relationship; it was purely out of friendship. But I didn’t let him know that. I gave my self a time, time to reflect and the consequences if this will not work out. I was so pessimistic. I soon understand that this is the reality of life. There will be happiness and sadness. I always have an inkling that “we will never discover genuine happiness if we don’t have the courage to let go”. We have to go through the bitterness of life before we appreciate the wonders of life.

So, by January 09, 2008, I said yes to him. It was an unforgettable day. We found love with each other. We were constantly chatting and once in a while he would call me. We gave so much in our relationship. Since, I’m working in a graveyard shift, 11:30 pm – 8:30 am and he was working 2nd shift thats 3:30 pm-12:30. By the time, I got home I’d go straight to bed and woke up around 2 pm, to go to the nearest internet café just so we can talk and we’ll be talking for hours and hours and this has been going on for months. It was strenuous but this is love, we have to make sacrifices in order for the relationship to last.

We have been frequently chatting for months, learning each other more, planning for his first visit. And came, April 2008, it was his first time to visit the Philippines. Imagine, I have been counting the days that he’s going to be here, by the thought that it’s already april, it was nerve wracking. I don’t know what to expect and what im going to say during our first meeting.

Came the day that he’ll arrive, I stood at the waiting shed. It was so hot but I was feeling very cold, and my knees were trembling, my heart were pounding its as if it will come out, my hands were all wobbly and I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly, I looked at the people coming out from the airport. I searched for any familiar face and I found none. I was informed that the PAL flight was delayed. Gosh, another hour of painstakingly waiting.

I waited for 1 hour and a half, and finally I saw something flying up in the sky that is going to come down. I heard the loud noise screeching on the tarmac. It was PAL landing already. Upon seeing the airplane, yet again, I was feeling tense and jumpy. One by one, I saw people coming out. There were balikbayans who were embracing their loved ones, a lot of foreigners may it be American, Chinese, Australian; I was looking intently at the people who were coming out but I didn’t see any familiar face. Out of nowhere, there was this porter who was holding a big luggage shouting a familiar name. The porter said in our dialect “Mae, Mae kinsay Mae diri.. Of course my name is Mae but hello my name is common so I didn’t pay attention to him. I concentrated my eyes at the people getting out from the airport. Now while the porter was shouting the name, I accidentally, looked at the luggage he was holding, it was his name and when I saw that, I turned around and he was there with a big smile planted on his face. Momentarily, I was shocked and when I came to my senses. I immediately hugged him. It was a sight to behold.

It was a fantastic 2 weeks vacation, we went to Blue waters, we tried the zip line, we visited the crocodile park, we went to jacks ridge for dinner, we went under water for scuba diving, we watched 3 movies together and we even went to manila to visit my friend. He got to meet my family, relative and friends. It was superb, I get to know him more and he got to know me also. Every single day was just so memorable.

Time has passed so quickly that it was already May 3rd and he’ll be leaving the next day. His last night was so sad but truly a passionate night. We got at the hotel around 1 am because we were out with my friends. When we got there, he immediately checked his laptop doing something; while I was preparing to go to bed coz I was tired. After, I tucked myself to bed and he turned of the lights and he played the music that in his laptop. The first song played was grow old with you, after hearing the music I cant help but cry. He hugged and kiss me and it felt so good but sad. We hugged the rest of the night.

May 4th, we were silent while helping him gets his luggage done. We spent the entire afternoon doing silly things. We went to mall to play basketball. And time for him to go to airport came, we were in a taxi and I was about to cry but I held back my tears coz I noticed he was crying. Boy, it was so sad, I hugged him and told him its going to be alright. This is not the end. This is not goodbye but we’ll be seeing each other again.

Inside the airport, we hugged and kissed, we were unmindful of the people that surround us. He was really crying and I was comforting him. I’m holding back my tears so that he’ll not be worried. I led him to the hallway where only passengers can go through. I reminded him that this is not goodbye. I won’t say goodbye but see yah.

This is not the ending of our story but this is a start of wonderful companionship to forever. We will be weaving our future together and by simply thinking about that, I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with. I want to grow old with him.